Italian tourist in London

Dear Signore Dirrettore

Now I am tella you a strory how I was treated at your hotella.

I am comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as y younga
christian man at your hotella. When I comma in my room I see there is
no shit in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla
down to receptione and tella: 'I wanna shit!' They tella me:

'Go to toilet'. I say 'no, no. I wanna shit in my bed.' They say:
'You better not shit in your bed you sonnawabitch!' What is a
sonnawabitch?

I go down for breackfast into ristorante, I order bacon and eggs and
two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress,
and pointa of toast: 'I wanna piss'. She tella me 'go to toilet'. I
say: 'No, no. I wanna piss on my plate!'. She then say to me: 'You
bloody hella not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch!' What is a
sonnawabitch?

Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid
out, but no fock. I tella waitress: 'I wanna fock!' and she tella me:
'Sure everybody wanna fock!' I tella her: 'no no. You dont understand
me. I wanna fock on the table!' She tella me: 'So you sonnawabitch
wanna fock on the table? Get your ass outa here!'

So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanna stay in this
hotella no more. When I heve paid the billa, the portier sy to me:
'Thank you and peace on you'. I say: 'Piss on you too, you
sonnawabitch! I go back to Italy ! I never comma saty at your hotella,'
your sonnawabitch!

SINCERELY

tks to Nika