Ghici unde e ascuns radarul de la circulatie! Tehologie auto de ultima generatie 
Noi metode de camuflare a autoturismelor de circulatie ale politiei.
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marți, 1 iulie 2008
joi, 13 decembrie 2007
secretele DNA
Cica ursul mergea el agale prin padure si deodata vede pe melc alergand sa rupa pamantul, nu alta.
-
Ce faci melcule? Unde fugi asa?
Ce faci melcule? Unde fugi asa?
- Ce sa fac, raspunde melcul, vine
D.N.A.-ul sa ma aresteze.
D.N.A.-ul sa ma aresteze.
-Pai de ce?
- Pai: eu - casa, tata- casa,
mama - casa, sor' mea casa
De asta.
mama - casa, sor' mea casa
De asta. Sta ursul, se gandeste putin si
o rupe si el la fuga. Si fuge, si fuge. Se intalneste cu cocostarcul.
o rupe si el la fuga. Si fuge, si fuge. Se intalneste cu cocostarcul.
Cocostarcul
il intreaba: - Ce faci ursule? De ce fugi asa?
il intreaba: - Ce faci ursule? De ce fugi asa?
- Ce sa fac, raspunde
ursul, fug, ca s-ar putea sa ma cerceteze DNA-ul.
ursul, fug, ca s-ar putea sa ma cerceteze DNA-ul.
- Pai de ce?
- Pai:
eu - blana, tata- blana, mama- blana, sor' mea blana
. De asta.
eu - blana, tata- blana, mama- blana, sor' mea blana
. De asta. Sta
cocostarcul, se gandeste putin si o rupe si el la fuga. Si zboara, si
zboara, si zboara... Se intalneste cu maimuta.
cocostarcul, se gandeste putin si o rupe si el la fuga. Si zboara, si
zboara, si zboara... Se intalneste cu maimuta.
Maimuta il intreaba: - Ce faci cocostarcule? Unde fugi asa?
Ce
sa fac, raspunde cocostarcul, fug, ca s-ar putea sa vina DNA-ul sa ma
cerceteze.
sa fac, raspunde cocostarcul, fug, ca s-ar putea sa vina DNA-ul sa ma
cerceteze.
- Pai de ce? tata pe picior mare...mama pe picior mare... Eu
pe picior mare, sor-mea -pe picior mare
pe picior mare, sor-mea -pe picior mare
O rupe si maimuta la
fuga. Si fuge, si fuge si fuge.... se opreste deodata brusc si
exclama:
fuga. Si fuge, si fuge si fuge.... se opreste deodata brusc si
exclama:
DA' EU DE CE DRACU' SA FUG? 
EU - CU CURUL GOL, TATA CU CURUL
GOL, MAMA CU CURUL GOL, SOR' MEA CU CURUL GOL
GOL, MAMA CU CURUL GOL, SOR' MEA CU CURUL GOL
Concluzie: Daca vrei sa scapi de DNA, fa ca o maimuta.
duminică, 9 decembrie 2007
Explicatii la intamplari firesti
Se trezeste unul de dimineata din cauza unor zgomote ciudate: se crapa de ziua.
O cauta pe nevasta-sa in pat si n-o gaseste: o furase somnul.
Se duce la baie si se uita in oglinda, dar oglinda se face tandari: aruncase o privire.
Pleaca la serviciu si pe drum vede doua tipuri de oameni: unii care scadeau in inaltime (pe aia ii rodeau pantofii) si altii care dispareau pur si simplu (pe aia ii fura peisajul).
Ajunge la servici si isi vede toti colegii lipiti de tavan: purtau discutii la nivel inalt.
La un moment dat se dezlipesc si cad toti de-odata: cazusera de comun acord.
Se enerveaza si pleaca de la servici. Pe drum, il vede pe unul lipit de asfalt si vreo doi care trageau de el sa-l dezlipeasca: era sarac lipit pamantului.
Mai incolo il vede pe unul caruia ii cadeau urechile, nasul, ochii: era putred de bogat.
Se hotaraste sa se sinucida si se arunca de pe un pod in apa; apele se dau la o parte si cade pe uscat: nu era in apele lui.
Dupa aceea se hotaraste sa se imbete. Merge intr-un bar, dar intra cu capul taiat in doua: facuse cum il taiase capul.
Mai apoi se aude o bubuitura: cazuse seara.
joi, 13 septembrie 2007
Solutie antisforaint
O solutie care cred ca se poate aplica si in realitate (banc-banc, dar din povesti se inspira toata lumea - including Jules Verne) citit pe blogul Carcotasii:
Ce se poate intampla daca sforai prea tare
Patru prieteni in vacanta.
Patru prieteni in vacanta.
La hotel, neavand prea multi bani, hotarasc sa doarma cate doi in camera. Unul din ei se stia ca sforaie atat de cumplit, asa ca au convenit sa doarma in camera cu el pe rand, fiecare cate o noapte.
A doua zi dimineata, vine primul care a avut "onoarea", cu ochii rosii, parul ravasit etc. "N-am putut dormi toata noaptea, am stat in fotoliu si m-am uitat la el"
A doua zi, urmatorul, rupt de somn si el: "Cum sa dormi, se clatina acoperisul de la sforaitul astuia, am stat toata noaptea in fotoliu si m-am uitat la el"
A treia zi, vine al treilea fresh, odihnit, bine dispus. Ceilalti mirati: "Cum ai reusit sa te odihnesti?!?"
"Simplu. Inainte de a ne baga in pat, l-am strans in brate, l-am sarutat dulce si i-am spus noapte buna. N-a inchis un ochi toata noaptea."
marți, 24 iulie 2007
Mesaje Atentionare
Mesaje, instructiuni, anuntunturi si indicatii romanesti si internationale
La o casa de batrani din Sacele, Brasov:
"Va rugam folositi periile de WC cu incredere"
La un restaurant/terasa in Russel Square, Londra:
"Mind your plate.We will not replace any food eaten by the pigeons"
La un restaurant de sosea intre Oradea - Cluj:
"Va rugam pastrati curatenia. Este un apel la constiinta dumneavoastra. Stim ca nu ne veti dezamagi"
La unfeldelocciudat in toaleta (gaura in podea) Valencia, Spania:
"In order to avoid getting drunk, drink a glass of water every time you pee"
Si acum plagiem
Cocktail Lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest Zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD.
Doctor’s Office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.
Dry Cleaner’s, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
Sign in men’s rest room in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK, TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.
In a Nairobi Restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
On an Athi River Highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
In a City Restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
One of the Mathare buildings:
MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom handdryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
Tokyo Hotel’s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE PROHIBITED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
Hotel Notice: Tokyo:
IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING, PLEASE NOT TO HAVE NOTICED.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Hotel Room Notice: Chaing-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.
Hotel Brochure: Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
Hotel Lobby, Bucharest:
THIS LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
Hotel Elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
Hotel Yugoslavia:
THE FLATENNING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.
Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM’S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE’S FASHION.
Supermarket, Hongkong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
From a Soviet Weekly:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERSAND SCULPTORS. THESE WHERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IN RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
Hotel Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
IT IS STRICKLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BED ROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
An advertisement by a Hongkong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVER CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
In the window on a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY – NO ICE CREAM.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
"Va rugam folositi periile de WC cu incredere"
La un restaurant/terasa in Russel Square, Londra:
"Mind your plate.We will not replace any food eaten by the pigeons"
La un restaurant de sosea intre Oradea - Cluj:
"Va rugam pastrati curatenia. Este un apel la constiinta dumneavoastra. Stim ca nu ne veti dezamagi"
La unfeldelocciudat in toaleta (gaura in podea) Valencia, Spania:
"In order to avoid getting drunk, drink a glass of water every time you pee"
Si acum plagiem
Cocktail Lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest Zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD.
Doctor’s Office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.
Dry Cleaner’s, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
Sign in men’s rest room in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK, TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT.
In a Nairobi Restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
On an Athi River Highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
In a City Restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
One of the Mathare buildings:
MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom handdryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
Tokyo Hotel’s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE PROHIBITED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
Hotel Notice: Tokyo:
IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING, PLEASE NOT TO HAVE NOTICED.
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Hotel Room Notice: Chaing-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.
Hotel Brochure: Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
Hotel Lobby, Bucharest:
THIS LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
Hotel Elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
Hotel Yugoslavia:
THE FLATENNING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.
Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM’S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE’S FASHION.
Supermarket, Hongkong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
From a Soviet Weekly:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERSAND SCULPTORS. THESE WHERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IN RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
Hotel Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
IT IS STRICKLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BED ROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
An advertisement by a Hongkong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVER CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
In the window on a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY – NO ICE CREAM.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
Sursa: Carlatoria
luni, 23 aprilie 2007
imagini 3D
Intr-un autobuz statea Bula langa o baba cu un ochi de sticla.
La un moment dat, baba isi arunca ochiul de sticla in sus.
- Ce faci, babo? intreaba Bula
- Vreau sa vad daca mai sunt locuri in fata.
La un moment dat, baba isi arunca ochiul de sticla in sus.
- Ce faci, babo? intreaba Bula
- Vreau sa vad daca mai sunt locuri in fata.
joi, 23 martie 2006
copiii e destepti
Un taran se ocupa de cultivatul pepenilor.
La un moment dat niste copii au inceput sa intre noaptea pe plantatie si sa fure din pepeni.
Omul se gandeste si se gandeste pana ii vine o idee care in mod sigur ii va speria pe copii.
Asa ca pune pe camp o placuta pe care scria:
"Un pepene de pe acest camp a fost injectat cu cianura".
Ziua
urmatoare taranul vine pe camp si vede ca nu lipseste nici un
pepene dar gaseste o alta placuta langa cea pusa de el:
urmatoare taranul vine pe camp si vede ca nu lipseste nici un
pepene dar gaseste o alta placuta langa cea pusa de el:
"Acum sunt doi"
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